Before I could even walk out of the building, tears quickly filled my eyes. While I tried to catch my breath, I thought of every possible negative outcome that could have occurred from the longest hour of my life. I quickly tried to flee from campus and make my way back to my apartment. While doing so, I sent an SOS text to both my sister and cousin. Alexis and Reina quickly jumped on a call and in a matter of seconds the tears that were once blurring my vision were now streaming down my face and finding comfort within the stitches of my sweater.
The minute the final touched my desk I froze. I thought of all of the time I spent procrastinating instead of studying. A course that was meant to be an easy A turned out to be the only thing holding me back from walking across the stage to receive my diploma.
With a mix of anxiety and my inability to solve basic math problems, Reina and Alexis calculated the lowest possible test score I could receive in order to still pass the course. All I needed to get on the final was a D but why did I feel as if the bare minimum was still impossible? I’ve been a busy body since elementary school so balancing several things at once has never been a problem to me until 2018. And it showed.
Although I passed the course with a 70.04%, there is no reason why I was stressing over something that was once just the size of a snowflake. As the rigor in other courses, work, and my organizations increased, this simple snowflake was now black ice and all I could focus on was trying to not fall. Or in this case, fail.
The biggest lesson for me in 2018 was learning the power of the word no. It was learning that although there are 24 hours in the day, I need to set aside at least two hours for myself. There were days where I poured all of my energy into everyone that at the end of the day, there was none left for me. It is such a warm feeling to know that people rely on me but when I was constantly in a state of exhaustion and at times my breaking point, I was a disservice to my friends and myself.
Initially, when I was reflecting on 2018, I thought the year had dragged me through the mud because of small moments like this. Moments where I almost got in my own way of success. It wasn’t until I was recapping my year on Instagram (I know, I know, I was that person) when I noticed that my year was filled with so many blessings. 2018 taught me how to live in the moment and most importantly to be aware and present of where I am in comparison to where I used to be.
On my last day as an intern at E! News, I took one final look at the building. As my neck strained to keep my head fixated on the 35 stories, I broke into tears. I walked into this building Monday through Friday for seven months. It was on my last day that I noticed that I was not entering just any building. I was entering the NBCUniversal building in Los Angeles. I wasn’t going to just any internship. I was an intern for E! News; a company I had sought after since my freshman year of college. I took each day for granted because I didn’t notice that everything that I had been praying for since I was 9 was finally in arms reach. What was once merely a day dream was now my basic average day. By becoming accustomed to this routine, I stopped noticing the beauty and excitement of life. As I gazed at the building on my final day, it felt as if I was waking up from a dream when things just started to get good.
In the end, everything that I was stressing over had no impact on the outcome of 2018. I learned to always look at the bigger picture and to not get distracted by the smaller factors around me. I learned to not wait until the absolute last minute. I’ve been taught this year after year but this year I’m so serious *anticipates next year’s blog post*. And finally, I learned to be cognizant of how far I’ve come.
70.04% just won’t make the cut this year.
I wish you all continued success as we move into a year that is filled with so many promises! These songs were in heavy rotation for me in 2018. So many songs didn’t make the cut because I thought they would serve a higher purpose in future blogs. Enjoy!